In just one year!

It's been a whole year since my ASD closure and an incredible one at that! In the last 3 or 4 weeks have been the first I have felt 'good' in a very long time. It seems like the past 4 years have been some of our most trialsome ever. When I was pregnant with Lydia there was a tumor that was beside her that the Lord just miraculously took away. Then my first c-section and the challenge of her first year. Then my heart ailments, surgery to close my ASD, and more ailments. ;-) I often think of the 6 times in this year I had to kiss all my children good bye, not knowing if I would be coming back to ever be able to do that again. The times Jeff drove me to the ER 90 mph!

In this past year, every birthday, every holiday, came with tears of thankfulness. For so many times I thought I wouldn't see it.

Last month a 16 year old girl collapsed at school and died. She was apparently waiting for surgery to close the hole in her heart. That has been very sobering for me to think on. She was so young, never given the chance to marry or have children. My heart breaks for her family! Every doctor I ran into was shocked and amazed that I delivered 8 children with this hole. Now I understand. And to think of the 26 years I lived in rebellion to God, how I loved my wretched sin more than Him! How I paid no attention to His Word or plan for my life. How I showed no appreciation for the life He gave me, or the salvation He gave me through dying on the cross! How he could have taken my life at any point in time, but out of grace and mercy hasn't.

Those were some hard times to endure, at the time. But looking back I can see evidence of God! There were so many times I thought for sure I was dying. I have written down in my journal how He answered specific prayer. I know how He has drawn us closer as a family and caused the love and appreciation between Jeff and I to grow. Overcome with a renewed sense of thankfulness and appreciation for salvation, His Word, guidance, strength and a peace that passes all understanding in the midst of a trial.

So even though they seemed the worst of times, when I can look back and see God so evident in my life, it makes it the very best of times. In a way it makes it worthwhile, because His blessings are abundant!

So I will continue thanking Him for every new dawn! I will strive to live obediently to His Word! I will profess His goodness and gospel boldly! I will praise Him all the day long!

James 1:12 "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him."

Note: there's a link on the sidebar where you can read all the posts related to Mom's surgery. ~Megan

New day, new mercies!

Today turned out to be pretty exciting! I had my heart check up with the Dr. who did my ASD closure it's been 7 months. They did an ultra sound and an EKG to make sure there were no problems, no leaks or overflows, and all looks good! Their is now scar tissue surrounding the amplatzer forming a good seal.

Before my surgery my right side of my heart was enlarged. Usually when they seal a hole in a child's heart as they grow their heart adapts and gets back to normal rather quickly. They didn't think this would happen to me because I'm done growing and changing. However, by the grace of God, mine has gone back to normal! The Dr. was very impressed! ;-) This is very good news!

I'm down to 4 symptoms now, migraines, chest pain, dizziness, and fluttering, but they all seem to be gradually getting better with time for which I am so grateful for! So I'm excited to see what the next 6 months will bring!

It is so humbling being in a children's hospital. I can only pray for those who I see are bearing far worse hardships and greater trials. It breaks my heart to see so many children suffer and I pray that God will use such things to bring them closer to His Word and to saving faith. I don't have any idea how we would have made it through this without Him!

So thank you Jesus for each new day! God has done and is doing amazing things!

Lamentations 3:22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end;
2 Corinthians 1:3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,

6 Months

Jeff will often say to me, "Guess what we were doing 26 years ago today?" of course I never have any idea, but he can usually rouse my memory by his accurate details, and delight my heart with a wonderful memory.
However I do remember 6 months ago today, and this marks the day I had my ASD closure. It's been one of the most trying times of my life, only bearable because God was so evident. I'm really not one to dwell much in the past, and I get teary if I think too much about it. I don't understand how or why I am even alive, but I am ever so thankful and to God be the glory! God protected me before anyone else on earth even knew I had a hole in my heart. No one else even knew to pray, it was God alone.
I wonder how I could have ever kissed all my children goodbye, not knowing if I would ever see them again, as Jeff rushed me to the ER 90 miles an hour. Had to do that 5 times. I would not want to relive any of those moments again, the pain and heartache seemed too much at times, but I never felt He wasn't with me.
But just in the past couple of weeks I was put on a new medicine and I am so happy to announce that I feel good! Not great, not quite back to normal, but not in pain from my chest or migraines. And I haven't lost my vision in 6 weeks so I think that is behind me - praise the Lord!
We have gone back to singing at the piano at night, whistling and lights don't bother me so much, and I feel like I can function better and be a better wife and mother. It's amazing, and I never want to take for granted or miss a moment that God has given me! My heart is full to overflowing with thanksgiving and praises, and appreciation for all the ways we have been ministered to by His people!
So I will continue to trust, continue to praise, and continue to serve the Great Jehovah, creator of heaven and earth, you and me, as long as He allows! Rejoicing in every day!

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

John 16:20 Verily, verily, I say unto you, That ye shall weep and lament, but the world shall rejoice: and ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned into joy.

John 16:22 And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you.

Act 2:26 Therefore did my heart rejoice, and my tongue was glad; moreover also my flesh shall rest in hope:

1 Thessalonians 5:16 Rejoice evermore.

What's up doc?

This past week I met with my new adult cardiologist. He agreed with the other doctors that there doesn't seem to be a clear explanation for my chest pain. It could be skeletal from having my arms above my head for the 3 hour surgery, on top of my body going through the surgery itself, but they don't think it's heart related. I can't handle the beta blocker for the fluttering so we're just going to hold out and see if things improve on their own. We're just over 4 months past the surgery so we're hoping and praying for that!
The hardest part is that I don't want the children to see or remember me in pain, but I believe and trust that God knows best, and He will sustain me and provide strength and endurance.
After spending the day at the hospital I always come back thanking and praising God, because you always see so many people in worse shape. And if God can make this beautiful world, and can take care of my salvation, He can handle this! Please don't cross me off your prayer list just yet, but I'm thankful for where I'm at and what He continues to do! Thank you for bearing my burden! You all have blessed and encouraged my heart immensely! There really has been so much good that has come out of all this, God is very evident! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Love you bunches!
Karen


Psalm 41:3 The LORD will strengthen him on his bed of illness; You will sustain him on his sickbed.
Psalm 55:22 Cast your burden on the LORD, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.

My heart

We went to our 'top gun' internist and two doctors spent a full 2 hours with us. They went from head to toe. They think it is nerve pain that I'm experiencing, a side effect of them tinkering around in a tender spot. For which there is no cure or solution, it is what it is. They also thought it could be my gall bladder, so I have an ultra sound on that on Tuesday. My heart and all of it's tests look good - praise the Lord!
I had to get a patient card, since I'm now a member of this hospital ;-), and Jeff went to get the car. As I walked down by myself I started to cry, wondering how I'm going to live the rest of my life with this pain. Then in my path was a women with her head screwed to a frame, a man missing a leg, and a child crying. As I looked around my pity party immediately came to an end. Things can always be worse and I wondered what example I'm setting for my children in case that worse ever comes. I know God's grace is and will be sufficient.

Psalm 84:11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD will give grace and glory; No good [thing] will He withhold From those who walk uprightly.

Heart of the matter...

Well, the saga continues...My heart is still giving me fits, so when I called to see if I could move my doctors appointment sooner, after explaining all my ailments, the nurse recommended that I get to the ER immediately. I think it's just standard for them to say that when I call. There was no way Jeff and I wanted to leave in the evening and pull an all nighter, so we decided we'd wait until the morning. After all this has been going on for weeks, months.

We ended up being there the whole day. I had the attention of 4 doctors, and we came up with, well, nothing really. The good news is that it's not pertaining to my amplatzer, that seems to be healing just fine. So no infection, blood clots or position problems. My heart may still have trouble adjusting to the new arrangements and amounts of blood flow since things were sealed properly. I'll have another heart monitor to see what that shows. They also decided to graduate me to an adult cardiologist - I feel so grown up! Then they signed me up to their 'top gun' internist assuring me that this doctor is the problem solver of all problems. One doctor even said, "I need to keep that name for my own family!".

These doctors are so amazing and so kind, we've been very blessed with such wonderful care! Though we did get our bill from my surgery. I was in the hospital from 8am until 3pm and rang up a bill of $28,292.00 not including the doctor and anestician. Thank God for insurance!

Phillipians 4:7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

What heart surgery has taught me...

I am so happy to report that as of Saturday, things have taken an up swing! Every day seems to be a bit better. My heart rate still drops low, but not as often, and the few other issues (migraines, dizziness, loss of vision) are most likely temporary. So here's what I've learned (so far)!

1. There is a sign along the highway on the way to the hospital that says, "Prepare to meet Thy God!" So I have spent a lot of time pondering this. There were many times over the past couple of months where I wasn't sure my heart would withstand another beat. Thought I might have to pull out my famous Fred Sanford imitation! So I've seriously considered: was I ready to meet my Creator? Do I truly believe what I've read in the Bible? Am I certain of my salvation?

2 Corinthians 13:5 says, "Examine yourselves to see if your faith is really genuine. Test yourselves. If you cannot tell that Jesus Christ is among you, it means you have failed the test."

John 3:3 "Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God."

Has my walk matched my talk? Would God be pleased with my life? My thoughts? My service? Do I show genuine fruit and evidence of God working in my life?

2. Always be ready for a trial. There was one week from the time we knew I would have to have surgery to the time the surgery was scheduled. I was so thankful for Jeff and his leadership and protection. He has encouraged and allowed me to be a keeper at home so I could be with our children. I didn't feel panicked that I had to quickly teach or prepare our children for this time. I didn't feel as though I had to make up for lost time. I've been allowed to spend time and invest in their lives all along and have no regrets in doing so! This was also a huge blessing to the older kids as well, as things seemed to fall in place and prepared for such a trial. Not that things have been easy, but they certainly could have been a lot worse, a lot more chaotic and uncertain!

1 Peter 3:15 "But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always [be] ready to [give] a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear;

3. Prayer works. I really didn't think I could handle staying awake through the surgery, but after Jeff prayed with me I had such a peace, such a comfort, that I knew it was evidence of God. Deuteronomy 31:8 "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." And whenever Ben is asked to pray he prays for "Mommy to get better!" God is answering!

4. Allow others to be a blessing. It took me four kids before I could do this with out any guilt. I had to swallow all pride and give up the fake front that I could handle it all myself. So at that point I purposed that if anyone wanted to help or offered to help I would gladly and gratefully accept. It is always better to give than receive, but by God's design He wants us on both ends of the spectrum. It has blessed my heart to feel the out pour of love from the cards, gifts, visits, and meals. It has been a wonderful example to my children for them to see such blessings and serving hearts as well! And most of my kids know that making a meal for our crew is like feeding the 5,000, so we have all been blessed indeed!

5. I have a deeper compassion for those who are chronically sick, in wheel chairs, in hospitals, and in dire situations. I also have a renewed appreciation that I can walk, be with my family, see and touch, and all the blessings that God has bestowed on us!

2 Corinthians 12:9, 10 "And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

6. I have learned to love big! No one is promised tomorrow, tell those you love that you love them! Show them! We have always hugged and kissed every morning, every nap time, every evening and anytime someone leaves to go somewhere. You can tell them on the phone, in a letter or even a fax! Love them like there is no tomorrow! Hebrews 9:27 "And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment" For none of us truly know just when that appointment will be! We all will eventually leave - leave them loved!

7. And lastly, I've learned to count my blessings! I am SO incredibly blessed! Jeff and the kids, friends and family have labored in love and have taken such good care of me! My cup runneth over and over! God has protected, provided, and proven, in so many ways!

Isaiah 63:7 "I will tell of the kindnesses of the Lord, the deeds for which He is to be praised, according to all the Lord has done for us-- yes, the many good things He has done for the house of Israel, according to his compassion and many kindnesses."

Recovering

We went to the heart Dr. on Tuesday, two weeks after my surgery, and he was concerned about 2 things, a possible infection or a possible blood clot. First we had to draw blood to check for infection and if that proves negative, which it has so far, then he will put me on a stronger blood thinner (I'm just taking aspirin now and will have to for 6 months). That evening my heart rate started dropping, being on the beta blocker is suppose to keep it low, but mine has dropped down into the 40's. This was becoming painful, my heart was beating slow and hard like a base drum and would hurt up to my jaw bone, and force me to cough. I couldn't sleep well for 2 nights, so for fear I would turn green and grow one eye, we agreed to stop the beta blocker. He said that people usually have a hard time coming off of this so we'll have to get through the hump to see if it helps. I'm amazed at how long it's taken me to get back to normal, but still so much to be thankful for!
Psalm 4:8 I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, LORD, only makest me dwell in safety.

More heart stuff.

Last weekend things seemed to be getting worse instead of better. We called the Dr's over the weekend and whoever was on call seemed to think I was experiencing a normal recovery and to just call the Dr's office on Monday. By the time we heard back from the Dr's on Monday and I shared my list of ailments, they said for us to get to the ER immediately. I was loosing my vision, short of breath, dizzy spells, migrains, chest pain, heart racing and a painful paper cut! So we were in the ER until 1:30am, and needed to be back for another ultra sound at 9 a.m. so with such a long drive between us we just got a hotel room and crashed! Apparently I can't tolerate the increase in the beta blocker, so we decreased that and as of Wed. things started to take an up swing! My heart seems to hurt more, racing more, but the shortness of breath is gone, and I don't feel so out of it. The rest of the list should get better within the next few months, so they say. Everything looked really good and the plug is doing just what it should so that is a huge praise! I got back on the eliptical and did a slow 5 minutes and was completely spent! 10 days ago I did 4 miles in 50 minutes, so I can't imagine where I'd be if I hadn't done anything! It'll come, I'm just not very good at laying low. The little kids love it because I'm reading lots of books. And Jeff and the older kids have been fabulous! So many blessings to count!

What an experience!

I have to say that when we arrived at the hospital I was dreading what was ahead. Then when the Dr. had to go through all the risks and had me sign wavers I was ready to grab my coat and walk out! I so did not want to do this! Then Jeff and I had some time to ourselves and he just held me and prayed with me, and I kept thinking that this is a Children's Hospital, so many children have to be going through much worse trials than this, and God granted me a great peace and answered so many prayers though this!

First, I was able to stay awake (which is what the Dr preferred) during the entire surgery! It lasted 2 hours. I had a MP3 player going in one ear, but that eventually fell out and I was so amazed with everything I wanted to pay attention. They said, "Look at this screen, we're in your heart!" I thought for a moment and said, "Hmmm, I don't feel you in my heart." That was good, because I wasn't suppose to! My hole measured 3/4" and the Dr. showed me the size of the amplatzer before he put it in. The Dr. was teaching another student so I got all the good explanations too! Once it was in he didn't like the positioning so there was a tug of war to put it back in the catheter and readjust it. I felt my stomach getting a bit queasy then, but it was quickly back in place and they were packing up and heading out.

They were quick to feed me in the recovery room and we were there until a little after 3. Prescriptions, and instructions and some pictures to take home and show the kids and we were on our way out.

Jeff and I stayed at a hotel near the hospital that first night, and I'm so thankful I didn't have to ride all the way home! I was exhausted walking to the lobby and fell asleep in the chair. I couldn't walk to our room so he pushed me on a luggage cart right to the bedside where I took a nice long nap. As soon as I sat up and got a drink of water he was at my side from the other room. We ordered room service and enjoyed a nice evening together. Well, I think I dosed through most of it! ;-) We had a leisurely morning, Jeff woke up before I did and had juice and muffins waiting for me. We got home yesterday shortly after noon, to a wonderful welcoming committee! The kids had all sorts of stories to tell.

My heart is throwing fits which they said it would. Like your body tries to push out a sliver that doesn't belong, it's not happy that the plug is there, but it will adjust eventually. I've had to increase my beta blocker which makes me really tired and lethargic, but my heart doesn't hurt so bad, so a trade off I guess. My leg is sore, but everything went really well. Amazing! Now to do nothing for 3 more days! Mercy! After that I can resume exercising and anything else as normal life. I don't even go back to this Dr. for 6 months. I will go back to my other heart Dr. in a week or so to make sure there is nothing else contributing to my problems. So God is good! His mercy and grace is amazing! I can already see so much good that has come from this trial! We've all had a good dose of trust and thankfulness!

Mark 6:50 for they all saw Him and were troubled. But immediately He talked with them and said to them, "Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid."

Hebrews 13:5 [Let your] conversation [be] without covetousness; [and be] content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

Update on Mom

We just heard from the hospital and Mom's surgery went great, everything went as scheduled. They are going to meet with the doctor at 11:30. Thank you all for praying!

Night Before

I should have guessed that sleep was not conducive to the night before surgery. Daniel stayed up a bit with me and we made blueberry muffins for everyone to enjoy in the morning. And before we knew it Megan and Matthew joined us for a condensed version of Phase 10. Everyone else is sound asleep!

So I came across this video that you just HAVE to watch. I know our world is over loaded with these things, but this is my absolute favorite! I have met Chris Klicka before and have watched his health decline over the years as we have seen him at home school conferences. I wish I would have said it myself, but I couldn't have said it better than he did.



Chris just recently passed away. What a hero!

Ready....Set....

The Dr's office called this morning and we are all set to go for surgery on Tuesday the 27! It should take about 90 minutes and he prefers me to be semi-conscious through it all. I'm not certain I can pull that off, but I'll certainly give it a try. That's a week from tomorrow!

Jeremiah 33:3 'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'

Eventful Week

Last Sunday afternoon Jeff had the yonger kids squirrel hunting and I was on the eliptical when my heart started beating out of my chest. Robbie had to take me to the hospital, he was concerned following the speed laws with his permit and getting me there quickly, that was pretty cute actually! By the time I got in all was settled down and checked out fine, 4 hours in the ER and one poke. But I did get it recorded on my heart monitor. I also had a nose bleed and Jeff spent some time on the web searching for something to match my symptoms.

I called my heart Dr. on Monday and he said my monitor showed SVT (Supraventricular tachycardia) where my heart just spins out of control for a bit. We asked if there was a concern for blood clots, we had traveled over the weekend and did a lot of sitting, and I had some trouble with that about 6 years ago. Dr. said a simple blood test would exclude any concern so we went back for another poke, which took two tries. It's called a dedimer test and levels should be under 500, mine were 1209. So after an hour of the blood test the Dr. told us to get to the hospital immediately concerned about a PE (Pulmonary Embolism - blood clot). They did a CAT scan and thankfully all checked out okay. We got home at 3:30 am with 4 more pokes, they had to call in a special IV team to find a vein.

So I've started a beta blocker to control the SVT, and went to see the only Dr. in the state that fixes ASD (Atrial Septal Defect, hole in my top chambers of my heart). He spent about 90 minutes with us explaining what an Amplatzer Septal Occluder is. He said my hole is a half to 3/4 of an inch. His office will call in the next few days to schedule surgery. You can see a non-graphic video of the proceedure here, and www.aboutheartdefects.com has more information, it's absolutely amazing the wisdom God has allowed doctors to have!

If anything my vocabulary is increasing rapidly, and we're talking more and more in abbreviated form! LOL!

Pro 3:5-8 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and depart from evil. It will be health to your flesh, and strength to your bones.

So...there's this hole.

I've had a stress test, an ultra sound, a bubble test, and a couple of weeks ago I had a TEE test that confirmed that I have a hole in my heart. This is very unusual to be found in an adult, and has apparently been there since birth. I am ever so grateful for the Lord's protection! It hasn't caused me any major problems through all my pregnancies and life until as of late. Though I have gone to the doctor 4-5 times because of chest pain since I was 13, but it was always excused away as 'your changing', 'you're pregnant', 'you just had a baby', and so on.  But now it needs fixin'. I did not handle the anestectic too well. Jeff was so sweet and tender with me, holding my hand, helping me drink, praying with me, walking me in the house, by my side all the way - I love that man!
So since this is usually taken care of as an infant I am being sent to a specialist on the 15th, of this month, a pediatric specialist. My doctor said I will be his oldest patient! There's a 90% chance that this can be fixed through a catheter, otherwise it would mean another doctor and another surgery. So we know just what to pray for!

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.