I'm asked about this constantly and it's taken me a while to get it written, so this actually took place in February, 15 years ago, but here it is!
I have known ever since I was a small child that all I ever wanted to do was be a wife and mother. I'm a people watcher, and all my growing up years I collected mental notes of things I would never do or wanted to do when that time came. I met Jeff when I was 15, and knew right then that I wanted to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. (It took a bit of convincing Jeff that he should marry me! ;-)
When Jeff and I were married, he decided that we were not going to drink alcohol at all anymore. It had caused us enough troubles and we knew it just wasn't going to help us on the road of marriage. He was very adamant about it and it made sense to me, so since that day almost 20 years ago neither one of us has ever touched a drop of alcohol. Looking back I can see how it was God directing the steps of a good man (Psalm 37:23) because that decision alone has helped us make some very sober decisions that lay ahead.
With Jeff's job in Cutco, he had a lot of opportunities to be inside the homes of many, many families. He observed that those who had well behaved, happy, polite children had two things: a stay at home mom and 'religion'.
So another issue we both agreed on was that it would be best when we had children to have the mom stay at home. (That would be me.) We both had mothers that stayed home with us, and we are ever so thankful, and could see a lot of good in that. I didn't think that much of it at the time because we weren't 'planning' to have children for at least 5 years. Well, God thought different and decided to give us children. I miscarried my first pregnancy and was left concerned if we ever could have children. I was shocked and scared when I found out I was pregnant again, but with in those 9 months God was working on my mothers' heart. A love was developing that was deeper and wider than I have ever experienced before!
We loved being parents and enjoyed each and every milestone in complete amazement! After we had a 2 year old who was becoming a bit sassy, and a very colicky 6 month old, I was a bit weary and unhappy with this me-stay-at-home decision. I had a very selfish and sinful heart! I thought to myself, all I do is wipe! I wipe bottoms, toilets and counters, I just wipe all day! It wasn't the glamorous life I had hoped for. I was used to being paid and rewarded for the dirty jobs. Also at that time we were having other difficulties in our life, marriage, and finances that were becoming mountains, so we decided it might help to try to go to church.
We were not strongly convinced that this was the answer, since we didn't think church did much for us growing up. It didn't keep us from sin; we were amazed that for as much as we had gone to church, we knew very little about what the Bible actually said. Jeff had just gotten a computer and internet access through work and I actually wanted to write a book to tell people that religion is just a hoax, they just want your money, and none of it is true anyway. We were living proof that it didn't work for us. We would stay up late researching after the kids were in bed, taking turns sleeping in and getting up with the kids in the morning.
We tried to disprove the Bible, to confirm our atheist belief at that time, and show what a waste religion was. However, we couldn't do it. All of history supported the Biblical facts, and the Biblical facts supported all of history!
So, we got to thinking, that if the Bible really was true, maybe we should know what it says. We had no idea that it was written by over 40 men, over a span of 400 years, and with 100% accuracy. We started reading, and reading, and reading. It's a huge book!
2 Timothy 3:16 "All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work."
We were quickly convicted that we needed to start attending a church. We went to a familiar denomination down the street, and there the pastor told jokes, it was just a comedic hour. We knew with our circumstances at the time that we had no business going to church and laughing. We weren't challenged or encouraged to purge or turn from any sin in our life. We weren't encouraged to live a life obediently to His Word.
Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
So Jeff found an article in the paper about a pastor that was celebrating 40 years of preaching the 'truth of God'. That sounded appealing to us, and we went to this Bible-believing church off and on, hearing truth, but not wanting to acknowledge our sinfulness. After all, we were nice people, did nice things for the most part, had never been in jail, and had never killed anyone. This presumption of course was according to our human standards, not God's holy standards.
Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."
Meanwhile I had joined a wonderful group of ladies that kind of took me under their wing. I'm sure I was quite a project in their eyes at the time. They were a great example of godly Titus 2 women - meek and quiet, serving hearts,and happy, happy children. I was naturally drawn to them, and enjoyed their weekly Bible studies on wife and motherhood.
As we started to grow in our knowledge, I started to see myself for the sinner I really was. It took a while for my pride to let God's truth get to my heart, but I will never forget that moment 15 yrs ago......
I was home with the kids, Robbie was fussy, and Megan, 2 at the time, had just made a huge mess of the living room. I had had enough! I screamed at her, something I had promised my whole life I would
never do to my children, but I laid into her pretty thick. She just stood there and looked at me, shocked, like she didn't know who I was. I will never forget that look as long as I live! I had heard enough of God's truth to know that I could never fulfill my desire to be a good mother on my own, in my own strength.
Isa 64:6 "For all of us have become like one who is unclean, And all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment; And all of us wither like a leaf, And our iniquities, like the wind, take us away."
I knew from John chapter 3 what I needed to do.
John 3:3 "Jesus answered and said to him, "Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.""
I needed to confess; repent (not just be sorry for sin, but to turn away from it); and trust in Jesus' death on the cross as payment for my sins (canceling my debt and giving me eternal life in heaven); accept forgiveness and become a new creature living for Him.
At that moment, I took all my tears and sat at the bottom of our stairs and surrendered my life to Jesus Christ. I knew my own strength to be a good wife and mother, to do right, to end my selfishness, was falling short in every area. I asked God to forgive me of my mountain of lifelong sins and help me change my sinful, selfish ways, and I knew He had the power to make even me a new creature.
Christ did change me, Jeff noticed a change in me, and 3 weeks later he got saved too! We were baptized together as a public testimony of our obedience to Christ.
Acts 2:38 Then Peter said to them, "Repent and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit."
And that was the beginning of a desire to live a life fully surrendered to Christ and His Word.
It's been the very best decision we have ever made! Absolutely no regrets! And to think where we were 15 years ago, to where we are now and how drastically God has changed our lives for the better, still amazes us! Things that were once enjoyable are no longer tolerable. Things that God hates became things that we hated, and things that God thought worthy became important to us.
This doesn't mean that we are now perfect, because we are not! We are still sinners in need of grace and mercy and forgiveness. But things are definately different in that we no longer enjoy sin or desire to partake in it or put ourselves in it's surroundings.
There is a saying that 'sin will take you farther than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay, and cost you more than you want to pay'.
Some of our older children are now saved also and what a blessing to see their hearts changed! It's a constant reminder how we are born sinners having little ones in the house. You never have to teach them to hit, bite, steal a toy from someone else, lie, or be angry. In fact it's a constant job to train their sinful hearts to think of others first, be kind and loving, serve one another. As parents we can try hard to make outward changes to conform, but only God can truly change the heart!
We are so thankful for Christ, and the evidence of His salvation in our family. His way is perfect! And the joy and peace that only He blesses with passes ALL understanding!
If you have never made such a decision in your life, and are not able to point to a time in your life where you know things changed, I beg you to search the Scriptures! The Bible says that these things were written that you may KNOW that you have eternal life! We don't have to hope we get to heaven, we can know for certain! Please consider such an important decision, because you may not have tomorrow to do so! O how He loves you!
Smile!
Mmmmmmmmmmm! I made bread again!